Rules and Entitlements of a BFF-ship.

So I had the pleasure of completing Mindy Kaling's book, Is everyone hanging out without me, this past weekend (thanks, Manda-Panda!). Actually, that's a bit of a stretch--more of an extended sitting with intermittent naps. Sleep is my only vice. Anyway, within two pages, I was dying of laughter. Now I am torn between whether I want to be her best friend, date her, or just actually, be her. That sounded a lot creepier than I intended it to be, but I don't care, she's just really cool, guys. I don't know if you're aware, but being cool and in Hollywood is somewhat of a rare gem nowadays, so I'm just giving credit where it is due. But now that I'm done with my semi-fan girl rant, I was inspired by her book, particularly the segment outlining aspects of her close friendships. 

I enjoyed it a lot because I feel as if there are a lot of self-help books on romance--how to: embrace the single you, catch the object of your desire's attention, lose a stage 50 clinger, but not many illuminate the elusive, quintessential components of a real bff-ship. And as much as I am perpetually flailing in cycles of failed two-month relationships, I have to say the friendships that I have developed have always been some-what long-lasting and consistent. 

I suppose this will be dedicated to my best friends, whom do not necessarily need any reinforcement of their amazingness as they are the most confident, egotistical individuals I have ever had the unfortunate pleasure of meeting. 

I hope that this entry also serves to enlighten the numerous female friends I have encountered that are apparently unaware of the difference between a CLOSE FRIEND and a BEST FRIEND. 

First, I must preface by saying that I have a very intense group of friends. And by intense I mean, if it were possible to y'know, transfuse our blood together and not risk dying, I am sure they would totally suggest it so that we can LITERALLY and FIGURATIVELY be blood sisters:

Rules of BFFship.

•  Anything less than $50 is pocket change. Actually, it might even be more than that. The words, "Hey, you owe me ... (insert amount)" are rarely ever uttered. Up until recently (yknow, with my post-grad unemployment and scrub-like existence), I enjoyed paying for friends because my best friends and brother have taught me something valuable society fails to understand: Money is just money, and you have entire lifetime to make it. The thing about being in a perpetual state of poverty is that it's actually made me more giving. Weird and kind of illogical, I know, but it's kind of like, "Well, since I'm already poor ... I guess another few dollars is whatever." I don't think it's even a sense of innate goodness, but really a matter of being surrounded by incredibly giving individuals. Kindness & selflessness is contagious, and that's just what a best friend should be. 
• There is no such thing as TMI. I can't even count the number of times my best friends over share. I sometimes question if their level of comfort around me is necessarily a good thing. But alas, I think to some extent, you can't help but over share with your best friend(s) because they're essentially an extended version of yourself, so I mean why would they NOT want to know every single detail of your life? Knowing more about ME actually helps YOU become more SELF-AWARE since we are essentially the same person, right?
• Honesty is the BEST policy, because it's the ONLY policy. A best friend knows you may be in a fragile or sensitive state, but really, they have to respond to the higher calling to ensure things are kept real at all times. They will not hesitate to say, "Hey, I know you think you found your missing puzzle piece, but he totally sucks" or "Are you aware that your bf doesn't even speak English?" (No, seriously ... it has been said before). Best friends don't really believe in this concept of sugar coating.
• Stalking is caring. A best friend is absolutely shameless when it comes to maintaining a strong line of communication. So you didn't pick up their first 5 calls and 3 texts, don't worry, they'll call back in 5 minutes. HOW ELSE ARE YOU GUYS GOING TO KNOW WHAT INSIGNIFICANT THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN EACHOTHER'S LIVES?!
• Meaningless conversations/hangouts are essential. I think TV often paints this portrait of a solid friendship as y'know, the shoulder you cry on when your world falls apart or whatever, and I guess that's true ... if you're that type of girl. But the truth is, your average day does not generally consist of life-altering, emotional events, but rather mundane activities. A best friend can make even the most insipid activity like watching the Discovery Channel an experience comparable to going to the zoo, in person. The majority of your conversations will not consist of discussing existentialism or anything of that nature. In fact, most of the time, you hang up wondering what your entire conversation was even about, but it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, you just want to surround yourself with individuals who understand your weirdness and make you laugh.
• Be prepared to catch a grenade. This is probably one of the ultimate deal makers or breakers in a bff-ship--going out to the bars. A best friend will take one for the team as wingwoman and flirt/talk to the grenade to facilitate her friend's efforts of "getting it in." If that friend is in fact, a best friend, however, she will acknowledge her friend's sacrificial ways, and find a way to lose said, grenade because no hook up is worth putting your friend to the slaughter house. It's like doing "the reach" on a date, it's the gesture that counts. With that said, a best friend will not ditch you, and will go out of their way to be "that bitch" even if it means running up to the guy, shouting, "Look at her! And look at you! Did you really think she'd be interested?" and pull you away. But just before you can feel good about yourself, she'll turn to you and say, "I don't really think you're like out of his league, I just want to go to another bar."
• If you have to say you're BFFs, you're probably not BFFs. Listen, the difference between a BFF-ship and a BF is that there is no grand declaration or asking, "Hey, do you want to be my best friend?" It's a silent mutual understanding. Notice the MUTUAL, I can't stress how awkward it is when a party jumps the gun and makes these declarations only to find out later that the other girl was just "being nice." Just as you never want to be that stage 10 clingy girl, you also don't want to be that friend.
• Your boyfriend will always know about "the other woman" (...i.e. your best friend). "It's nice to finally meet you, I've heard a lot about you" is kind of an understatement in my group of friends. When they say, "a lot" I think they actually mean, "I know everything about you." I think the Spice Girls said it best, "If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends." So true.
• A best friend also never allows their significant other to trash talk her best friend no matter how neurotic and ridiculously bitchy she is being that day. Only you are entitled to such rights. If he thinks you're amazing, then she is amazing, as well ... by association. 
• Keeping no records of "rights." A best friend does not keep tabs on favors because really, she doesn't need to. Your friend already knows all that you do for her that is beyond the call of duty and more. If not, why would you be best friends?

It goes without saying that being a best friend is a pretty tough gig, and not many make the cut. Girls are quick to jump to labels and titles. The truth is, not every female friend you have will become a best friend. Some will remain as acquaintances, casual friends, or a close friend. The problem is that most of the time, you mistaken a close friend as a best friend, and find yourself incredibly disappointed when expectations aren't met. This is not to say that a best friend will not disappoint. My personal experience, however, has taught me that the good times will far outweigh the letdowns. 

I guess my point in all of this is that a solid group of friends is a rare occurrence nowadays. I mean, ones that would probably give you a kidney if need be, and just say, "Don't worry, I have an extra." So if you're fortunate as I have been, when you find one, you should probably smother them to death with love especially once a BFF-ship has been established. At that point, being a stage 50 clinger is totally socially acceptable and welcomed.

Eargasm: Flo Rida- "Whistle" Leave it to Flo Rida to make a euphemism out of a childhood past time. So, so catchy though.

It's always a good time.

"Let's go out to eat to celebrate Nhi's failed attempt at employment."

So post-grad life has inspired some musings/superfluous down time coercing me back to blogging because I know you all are just dying to listen to me talk about myself some more. 

Today I will indulge you with some adolescent wisdom, although I think it should be modified to "adult wisdom" ... but I digress. The point is, failures happen. But good thing, I am used to it. I know that sounds unfortunate, but it really is not. Failing is the result of an undesirable, unexpected outcome--a negative deviation from a plan. Not to be cliche' but do you realize how many events, great contributions, have been a result of such failures?

I am often told that my "laid back" approach on life is an admirable trait, while others perceive it as some-what "lackadaisical living," often a result of apathy or lack of ambition. The truth is, I think I just realize that life is an unending cycle of trials and tribulations, and it certainly does not become easier as one ages. 

One of my favorite quotes is from Garden State:

If you can't laugh at yourself, life's gonna seem a whole lot longer than you like. 

All right, so what are we laughing at you about?

I lied again... I have epilepsy. 

Which part are we laughing about?

Had a seizure at the law office where I work, and they told me their insurance wouldn't cover me unless I wore preventative covering.

What's preventative covering?

The helmet I was wearing... Oh come on, that's funny. That's really funny, I mean I'm the only person who wears a helmet to work who isn't putting out fires or racing for NASCAR. But what do you do, I can't quit... their insurance is amazing, what do you do? You laugh. I'm not saying I don't cry but in between I laugh and I realize how silly it is to take anything too seriously. Plus, I look forward to a good cry. It feels pretty good.

I am not going to lie, I do feel a sense of slight disappointment in where I am in life, just in the sense that I feel as if I am retrogressing, and if I am not retrogressing then I am definitely at a stand still. There is definitely an inkling of emotional deja vu, perhaps because this is so similar to my experience of having to attend HACC after leaving USP--this irrational feeling that everyone is moving forward while I am in a perpetual state of playing catchup. I try not to dwell on it too much because it is not like I never make it to the finish line with everyone else, it just takes a little more effort on my part.

When asked about my feelings towards the state of my graduate school acceptance; if I feel "nervous" or "stressed" and I honestly don't know. I am nervous about disappointing my parents. I am stressed about falling short of expectations set forth for me. But my summer travels have also taught me that life is too beautiful and rich to be bogged down by all its challenges. It is what compels me to run, to hike. Despite how fatigue your muscles become, or sensations that your lungs are on the verge of collapsing, there is nothing like reaching to the top and looking down, or crossing that 7th or 8th mile mark--to accomplish a feat you felt was impossible before. I was told that the best views are from the highest climbs, and I am able to truly believe the sentiments of this statement now.

So my greatest piece of advice is to take disappointments with grace and confidence--confidence that, this too, shall pass. And once you make it past the "woe is me" self pity, and are all cried out, there is always a silver lining.

Weekend Recap:

Friday night--country bar in Grantville: The Winner's Circle Saloon & Grille. $2 draft beers, $5 cover charge. Seems silly but for a native of Harrisburg, there's still some gems I have yet to uncover. If you can get past this superfluous cover charge, the atmosphere is pretty nice if you want a quiet night of line dancing (I definitely need to learn!), and a few cheap beers to play catchup with friends.

Saturday evening--First Union game! In one word: awesome. Never been surrounded by so many soccer enthusiasts in my life. Downtown West Chester: An eclectic collection of bars. Different from Harrisburg in the sense that not every bar looks like the one next to it, but still a very typical East Coast scene.

Eargasm: Ed Sheeran - "Homeless"

Guys are only into girls with really big brains.

"A Forbes Love Story"

Now that I'm over my soul-searching, transcendental phase, the first installment of awkwardness in this blog can ensue:

Long story short, I was asked on a date after the guy attempted to swindle me for some cashmoneyz to make the world a better, non-polluted place. I was told I had a "hot vocabulary." Best compliment I've ever had to date. I told him I'd agree if we serendipitously met again. Turns out, he really was there today. Of course, like all rom-coms, there are hurdles to be crossed--as in he was hustling another poor soul, and I was too cold to wait around. Don't fret, guys ... luckily for you, I have class every day, so tomorrow may be another chance for the goddess fortuna to throw me a bone, or maybe some feelings in general, and you can all believe that love DOES exist.

To the better segment: Quotes & Texts from Yesterday.

• "Wait, you didn't agree to the date? Why not? You know you're hungry...and bored."
• "You'll probably have a stalker now. He wasn't foreign? That's rare in these parts. But seriously, that's how you know he's for real. When you're not looking so hot and he still hits on you, he's a keeper."
• "If a guy thinks your mind is hot, you hit that. You tap that."

And of course, a little eargasm for you: Miniature Tigers, you can also listen to their other track, "Cannibal Queen." It's not bad.

Find more artists like Miniature Tigers at Myspace Music 

A Shot at TRUC Love

 

Here is some cuteness that will make you want to puke rainbows and sunshine like never before. Even more adorable was when Sue Sylvester decided to marry herself, and performed her own ceremony. It inspired an epiphany--if the Real World doesn't work out, I'm pitching...wait for it...

"A SHOT AT TRUC LOVE--When Love Gets REAL."

So basically, the premise is that a whole bunch of pre-med students will compete for a shot (not like slore Tila shot, an alcoholic beverage. No, no, I am far wittier than that--a shot, as in a syringe because I'm so hardcore). But seriously, med school kids need love too, and here I AM! The cut off is strictly STUDENTS, I'm not looking for a sugar daddy, let's be serious. Speaking of seriousness, listen, we can't all afford high-roller status mansions. SO TO KEEP WITH THE THEME, it will take place in a hospital. I have not had time to extensively reflect on the challenges yet, but once I do, MTV is going to pave my road towards stardom--I'm convinced.

Anyways.

Best break ever.

  

Just a little girl in a bigger world.

WOW. The past couple of months have been such a whirlwind that I kept meaning to update this thing, but never could find the correct words to articulate my thoughts. I can truly say, however, I am at a pivotal point of happiness, not to say there has not been a few stumbling blocks along the way. One of the greatest quotes my mom has constantly reminded me is, "Hanh phuc la trong tay minh tu phai nam lay." (I may have mixed up a few words, but translation: Happiness is something you have to grasp with your own hands.) I honestly never understood the magnitude of these words, until recently.

I have always been one of those "shiny, happy" people, the kind that is always smiling regardless of the circumstances and you have to wonder if anything EVER goes wrong in their life. I remember someone actually coming up to me once, "Are you seriously always this happy? Because I know that the people that seem the happiest, are just covering up something." I replied, "No, I really am. I'm not saying my life is perfect, but I do realize I am blessed, and that's enough." I meant every word. I hate that we live in this world where people are so passive. They wait and mope with their struggles, as if happiness will fall into their laps. In their love lives, "I can't find the right guy, I just have to wait, I know he's out there" as if Prince Charming will magically show up at their doorstep. The opposite happen--too afraid that something better won't come along, so we settle and compromise.

What I have come to learn over the past couple of months is that only you can determine the amount of happiness in your life. Up until a month ago, I thought I was so sure of myself, but in truth, I, too, am guilty of "lackadaisical living." I did the things asked of me, expected me of me, because it was easier than deciding for myself what I want. In a sense, I was the same girl I was 5 years ago, in "happiness" purgatory.

The thing is, however, I am slowly grabbing the reins of life. I am not waiting for my dreams to fall into my lap, for a boy to wake up and finally see me. I just don't want to wait anymore.

I know a lot of people doubt me. Sometimes, in fleeting moments, I doubt myself as well. I am so blessed, however, to receive this calling, to feel so strongly that I was meant to do something, that nothing can cause my passion to waver. I think a lot of people don't get that. They fall into a rut, in a career, because it's comfortable, because they're "good" at it. I realize I am so lucky because although it's incredibly difficult now, I know every day I can wake up knowing that "this is enough." I am doing what I am passionate about, I'm making a difference, and that's it.

And maybe it's not unreasonable to "wait" for Prince Charming, but there are a batch of frogs to kiss to find him, and I think that's okay. I used to perceive the whole "movie romance" as ridiculous. I was never swept away by the Notebook, or A Walk To Remember. I reasoned that I was too logical for this sappiness, that love is not constant rainbows and sunshine--fireworks will not explode from the sky during your first kiss. But why not? Why should you not expect these astronomically great things to occur? I've seen too many girls fall into a state of complacency, knowing well they deserve better, but never allowing themselves to experience anything else because they fear "nothing better will come along." They spend months and years on someone, hoping that person will one day wake up and smell the flowers, but for the present, just not being alone is enough. I don't want that. I don't want someone to become my security blanket, nor to be someone else's. Others' love for you begins with self-love, and I don't need someone to validate me.

I have learned that there is a reason movies end when the boy and girl get together because relationships take work and effort, but they're not that complicated. I have always believed that a break down occurs when one person for whatever stops believing, stops fighting for it, and still hold that statement to be valid. I don't want to become jaded, however, like others around me. One person failing to believe and fight, doesn't set a precedence for those to come. You walk away with a few battle scars, but the importance is maintaining your self-respect and realizing better things are to come. So the next time, you put just as much as yourself into it as you did the time before, and continue loving fearlessly. We put ourselves out there, we may get hurt, but that's better than being a coward and never trying at all.

So I am happy. I really am. I used to be this person that stressed so much on the outcome, that I forgot life is this amazing adventure of self discovery. There's so much beauty in it that even when the result is not what I anticipated, I know the road there is enough. We just need to realize what "enough" is. I'm confident that one day, I will be enough--enough to get into graduate school, enough to complete my dreams, enough for someone. It may take time, but good things always take time.

ps: Here is an eargasm for you.

Find more artists like STEVE MOAKLER (ON TOUR NOW) at Myspace Music 

pss: I originally began this blog because I wanted a semi-memoir of awkward accounts since y'know, I always find myself in one, but I realize that the "adolescent wisdom" portion of the blog is one-upping the awkwardness aspect lately. The next one will be a good one, I promise. I know you're at the edge of your seats for "A Series of Uncomfortable Events" (Yes, this is definitely a prospective title for my future auto-biography, so accurate.)

Clarity

“All my life I had been looking for something, and everywhere I turned someone tried to tell me what it was. I accepted their answers too, though they were often in contradiction and even self-contradictory. I was naïve. I was looking for myself and asking everyone except myself questions which I, and only I, could answer. It took me a long time and much painful boomeranging of my expectations to achieve a realization that everyone else appears to have been born with: That I am nobody but myself.”--Ralph Waldo Emerson (One of the few quotes I come back to time and time again.)

What Summer 2010 has taught me--

• Research is not for me. And it is definitely not a matter of simply brains, but dedication. 
• Friendliness with Jamaican men may be interpreted as flirting, which may lead to stalking. 
• Chugging Red Wine is never a good idea. Chugging Red Wine and then clubbing only leads to run- ins with said stalker, and a wild bus ride next to a trashcan.
• Flying hung over sucks.
• I am pretty terrible at boogey boarding. I should just stop because sea water is not an efficient means of hydration.
• "Sex is kind of like that Claw Game at the arcade. Everyone wants to get a prize and "O" but the truth is, it rarely ever happens."--The gym is an excellent place for "girl talks." Evidently, I am able to tolerate awkward conversations better when distracted by a lack of oxygen.
• I have terrific friends. Terrific friendships that can withstand the test of time and distance. This only reinforces the cliche' "quality over quantity" notion.
• The best thing about growing up so far is finally being able to be my brother's friend, and not just his "little sister." 
• My brother and I have similar tastes in beer. I think I like that most about us. Since now I realize that there is more to alcohol than Coors Lite...there's Budlight Lime.
• "You can't tip toe through life, doing things halfway in order to protect yourself."
• I was lied to--living is pretty simple, with the occasional difficult decisions. Most of the time though, the decisions aren't too difficult to make, it's the following through. There are certain things we allow ourselves to believe we might never move from, yet my mind allows my heart to do more than what I give it credit for.
• That Peg Game from Cracker Barrel is the best $2.99 I've ever spent.
• The soap we use to wash our hands really doesn't do much for killing the microbes on our hands. It's actually better to just rinse it with warm water for an extended amount of time. More than half of America has some form of herpes.--This is the extent of what I was able to gain from my Micro Bio course.
• The best form of witnessing your faith is to simply live your life the best way you can, yet always being honest with yourself and those around you. It's not hard to be happy when you are able to remember and appreciate the blessings in your life every morning.
• I put a lot of effort into preparing for"trashy" themed parties. This must say something about me, but I will continue to deny it for as long as I can.

Thanks, Summer 2010. You have been very good to me. Although you have been reduced to a few 4x6 prints, there is nothing about you that I would change... I have never been more genuinely happy and content.